Quick Review: Schatzii Smart Cloth

IMAG0099For a guy that writes about Apple stuff every day, I sure don’t buy a lot of stuff from Apple. But every so often, I’ll have a look around on the Apple Online Store, just to keep myself in the loop. I find the list of exclusives particularly exhilarating. Sure, most of the time you can get the products elsewhere, but often the Apple Online Store offers exclusive colour options, such as the snazzy-looking rainbow UE Boom from Logitech. The exclusives list really has it all, seeing as there’s everything from the mundane (cases, cable organisers), to more exciting accessories, such as the Stratus wireless gaming controllers or Sphero 2.0. The Schatzii Smart Cloth, I’m pretty sure, fall into the latter category.

A plush side for buffing, and a silky smooth side for polishing

I’ve been informed by Google Translate that “schatz” means treasure. I’m not sure what “schatzii” means in the German vernacular, although if I had to guess, maybe “little treasure”? “Very valuable treasure”? “Solid gold (figuratively, of course), honest-to-goodness, treasure”?


All kidding aside, the Schatzii Smart Cloths are fine, as far as microfiber cloths go. I normally prefer my microfibers to be the same material on both sides, which makes for easier usage — not having to think about which side I’m using is a plus — but the Smart Cloths do their job. The edges of the cloth are stitched together in such a way that suggests it won’t fray or fall apart at the seams over time, and while I can’t claim to have tested the antimicrobial properties of the Smart Cloth, I can attest the microfiber seems as hydrophilic as the online store claims. Strangely, the microfiber is only stretchy in one direction — all other microfibers I’ve used have stretched in two.

As satisfied as I was with my purchase after thoroughly testing them on the dusty surface of my desk, something gnawed at the back of my mind. Why were these cloths branded a treasure-derivate in German? Tossing and turning at night, I wondered: surely, there had to be some kind of story there. Then it dawned on me: perhaps this Schatzii company made anything else worth checking out. Sometimes I know of brands first, then the products second, and sometimes it’s the other way around — I find great products made by relatively obscure brands. Perhaps Schatzii would be in the latter camp?

Upon visiting the Schatzii website, I discovered the true meaning of why these Smart Cloth purveyors had decided to name their company after the word treasure in German. To put it simply: the Schatzii website itself is a treasure.

I didn’t think Apple would be the kind of type to feature microfiber cloths on the Online Store; there’s only so many niceties you can bestow upon microfiber cloths, after all, as evidenced by this review. But if you scroll down on the Smart Cloth webpage, you’ll discover one of the reasons why Apple decided to get these as exclusive items.

Be a fashion icon with the Schatzii smart cloth screen cleaner, and live the luxe life you deserve. These ultra slick designs not only make your screens sparkle, they help you look good!

Wait, what? I’ve seen and read a lot of stuff in my time, but that takes the cake. But it gets better:

Schatzii Smart Cloths are anti-static, anti-dust, anti-mold and anti-mildew. Custom made for the technorati and fashonista alike. Schatzii remains the choice of Kings, Presidents, Champion Athletes, and Discerning Consumers around the world. Schatzii..the new SwagRag.

No. Words.

Swag Ragalicious.

That’s it, we’re done here.

The Schatzii Smart Cloths are $19.99 with free shipping on the Apple Online Store.

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